CRITICISING AND COMPLAINING
I recently read that complaining makes you depressed. I am not surprised, after all what is complaining except noticing all the negatives in our lives and voicing our anger and frustration about them.
Wayne Dwyer recommends that we never complain to another person unless they can solve the problem. Otherwise we are just bringing them and ourselves down.
When we criticise or complain it’s all about the ego’s need to be right it often yells in our head “this is not good enough”. We live in an ego driven world that constantly reminds us that we, others or situations are “not good enough” when we believe this we resort to complaining and criticizing. The only problem with these two forms of communication are that they are forms of expression that are usually part of the problem and seldom part of the solution, in fact unless the communication has a possible solution, They are likely to exacerbate the problem.
My staff know that when they come to me with a criticism or complaint I ask them “So what is the solution. “
Complaining has become such a habit for us that when you ask a person how they are they will say: “I can’t complain ” as if they really would like to but cannot find something to complain about at this moment.
In fact if someone asks you how you are and you say “amazing”, “awesome “ or “happy” they demand a reason or explanation.
Before we express ourselves through criticism or complaining, let’s ask ourselves, is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Is there a possible positive outcome and is it adding to the problem or creating a solution.
When we analyse our thoughts we often find that the problem is really with us, and when we work on clearing our own judgements and perceptions, we can begin to see the situation differently and be part of the solution. One of my favourite quotes states:
“two men look out through the same bars, one sees mud the other the stars.
Compliments, acknowledgement and gratitude are powerful antidotes to criticising and complaining.
Our thoughts create our moods which affect our communication which creates our experience Let’s choose to focus on the best in a situation, or person, and choose appreciation for the positive outcome that is always possible, if we choose to build up through appreciation rather than break down through criticism and complaints. We can create a completely different experience for ourselves and for those around us.