Recently I hurt some people very dear to me with my unconscious behaviour. Hurting someone you love is a sickening feeling and we often do it in the name of “protecting them”. But by assuming that they cannot handle the truth we make them small. The result is that situations escalate and people are hurt even more.
The tendency for the ego is to avoid the person, rationalise and explain, and even defend. Justifying our actions is a way of avoiding the situation and absolving ourselves of blame.
When you have done something really stupid and hurtful the only thing we can do is tell the truth. Not to absolve ourselves or make ourselves feel better but rather to bring the relationship back into alignment. With love and truth.
We can also be pseudo enlightened and say “It’s there stuff, it was not my intention to hurt, they are choosing to experience it that way”. The ego has a million tricks to avoid responsibility, however as we witness another’s pain, we are a co-creator and therefor responsible, simply meaning “able to respond”.
Sometimes we avoid the conflict in order not to have to witness another’s pain knowing we have been the cause of it. But only by feeling the pain can we experience the cost of our actions, feel true remorse and learn from the experience.
Asking ourselves, what would love do? Is the only real and true choice, for love would not deny, justify, explain, rationalise or avoid. Love would solve, dissolve and heal.
Of course choosing what love would do in the first place avoids creating hurt. So: as shared so beautifully by my sister:
Before you assume, learn the facts.
Before you judge, understand why,
Before you hurt someone feel
Before you speak, think.
And always, always do what love would do.