One thing I have realised, is that everyone and everything we experience is a reflection of ourself, that is why two people in similar circumstances can have completely different outlooks.
I have noticed that when I begin to judge something or someone as not “OK” or not appropriate or unacceptable or negative, I begin to see more examples of what I am judging. Proving once again that what you focus on, expands.
When we experience a person as obnoxious or difficult or negative, we begin to see that behaviour more and more until in our judging and complaining about it, we become obnoxious, difficult and negative.
Interestingly, the behaviour may push all our buttons but leave others around us unperturbed. It is then that we can realise that the behaviour has more to do with us, than with them.
We often project judgement we hold against ourselves onto others. When we can forgive ourselves for our own negative, obnoxious, difficult or unlovable behaviour, we see that behaviour in others lessen, and we become more empathetic.
When I find myself in this position, I use a phrase which you can include in prayer, meditation or simply use as a positive statement to replace the judging thoughts.
The phrase is: “I forgive myself totally and unconditionally for being obnoxious on occasion and I no longer need to project anything but appreciation onto you.” You can replace the word obnoxious with whatever judgement you are holding.
When we realise that each of us is human, and capable of every contrasting emotion under certain conditions, we can look for cause of behaviours and by releasing judgement stop being part of the effect.
A problem can never be solved with the same energy that created it, and in my experience problems and challenges dissolve in the face of unconditional love.
In the end it is not them who need to change, when we change the way we look at something or someone, what we look at, changes.
Love and appreciation dissolves judgement and frees us from discomfort, leading us back to joy. Which is after all, where we want to live.