When you lose a parent to cancer, as I have this year, the ramifications of such a loss are huge.   You question purpose, you question suffering. What was empowering for me, was a realisation that a happening or situation is not what causes you to suffer, it the story you tell
yourself about it.

My dad had cancer long before I knew he had it, but my suffering only started when I found out about it and began to feel fearful.  Now I’m not saying that feeling fearful it’s not the most natural and normal reaction to have to a terminal diagnosis, but I also came to realise that when I fell into fearful thinking, I multiplied my own suffering and was unable to be fully present or useful.  For me, in a situation where it is hard to find grace, I turn to gratitude.

Gratitude and grace are closely interconnected, and when I began to feel gratitude, love and appreciation, the suffering was lessened. l became grateful to amazing doctors, nurses, and pain medication.  Grateful for the love of sisters, the love and support of an amazing wife and adopted mother. Gratitude to amazing angels that surrounded and supported us, and in that gratitude, the suffering became bearable.

I read somewhere once that God does not participate in suffering.  God participates in love and love is always focused on the positive outcome, the love, goodness or kindness in any situation. Basically the reasons to be grateful. The greatest lesson for me was that when we look for and see the love in any situation healing happens.